Me So Whiny
I’ve somehow managed to not take mah happy pills for a few days and damn! I can tell a difference. No wonder I’ve been sitting here like a bump on a log all frickin’ weekend. It’s 6:30 p.m. and I want nothing more to crawl into bed and sleep until who knows when. I totally procrastinated on a paper that is due tonight … I have half of it written. I can knock the rest of it out in less than an hour if I just fucking focused. UGH. This is an aspect of my personality I do not like but have not yet been able to change.
My previously entertaining men have either disappeared or are boring me or both. Brit Boy has been MIA for a few days; I decided I’m not going to initiate an email or chat conversation with him. Whatev. Houston Guy has been in and out but I haven’t talked to him much since he told me he had two dates this weekend and I let him know he wasn’t the only horse in my stable, so to speak. Basically he’s doing exactly what I told him he would, even though he didn’t listen to me at the time.
I think this is the longest I’ve gone without a date in quite a while, or at least the longest I’ve been without male companionship of some sort. I guess it’s only been 3 months since I last had a date with MM but it seems longer. Not like it will kill me but still. Makes me whiny.
Catching Up
I haven’t posted in a while because, well, my life is pretty dull right now. Things have slowed down with Tom, one of the cute English boys; last week he was talking about flying over to the U.S. to see me in July or August, this week, I’ve barely talked to him. He did send me quite the delicious photo of himself, though, so I gotta say, if he reappears at some point, I ain’t gonna be mad at him … and I haven’t even seen the goods yet. This was just a body shot. Dayum.
Houston Guy and I talk now and again, nothing much. He’ll be ok in a few years, once he gets his act together. He’s not bad as someone to text every once in a while.
Tonight, while watching yet another Lifetime movie, I was thinking about why I haven’t had a post-divorce relationship that lasted longer than 3 or 4 months. Of course, the easy answer is, they were all douchebags. But, personal growth does not come from blaming others, I’m afraid. The answer, unfortunately, is me. I’m the reason why I haven’t had a relationship that’s lasted.
I expect big changes in the next year. I will (fingers crossed) be having my gastric bypass surgery sometime within the next 2 months and I need to focus on myself right now …. although I’m a sucker for a cute boy, especially if he’s on another continent lol.
Awkward with a Capital A
Late Friday night I added Houston Guy back as a friend on Crackbook. I was just like, ugh, whatev. I didn’t talk to him at all this weekend, aside from a “Hey, happy birthday” text I sent him Friday evening.
A little while ago, he IM’d me through Crackbook, we went back and forth a bit about massages (I got one tonight), then he called me.
U-g-h. I thought about letting it go to VM but thought, no, I need to deal with this.
OMG. Most awkward phone conversation EVAH. It was terrible.
a-w-k-w-a-r-d
I answered the phone and was like, hey, how are you? He said, “good,” and then just silence. I was like, ummmm what’s up? And he really didn’t have anything to say. And a few minutes later he said, “I”m glad we’re back to talking” and I started laughing because I thought he was being sarcastic but he wasn’t!!!
I was sure that he was going to say something, anything, about our conversation Friday, but if he had planned to, he lost his nerve. I pretty much led the conversation and after 15 minutes, thought, fuck this shit, and started fake yawning and talking about my massage again.
I’m sure he thought I was blowing him off but fuck. As Miss Laci said, “Aren’t women the ones who are supposed to call for no reason????”
My Cross-Continental Search
Things with SMG/Houston Guy have slowed down dramatically since we had a little Come-to-Jesus chat on Friday. So, whatev. Thanks to Social Me and my yummeh new drink of Crystal Light and Bacardi, I found a few new hotties … of course all in the UK. One in particular, Tom, stands out, mainly because we were actually chatting about stuff, and he didn’t come out with the “you have big tits” shit that men usually pull. Which I can’t blame them for because (a) they are big and (b) if you’re trolling online on a weekend night, you’re probably not looking to discuss the last book you read.
Surprisingly, these men know where Indianapolis is, I guess mainly because of the Colts. I expected that people abroad would know of Detroit, but Indy, not so much. Then again, they could be getting it confused with Chicago or considering all of the U.S. to be one amazing wonderland ha ha.
Oh the Drama …
After I posted this morning, I thought, I can’t do this. I knew SMG/Houston Guy (sorry, I must be using both names for him lol) is going to be a recipe for disaster. Or he may not, but hello, my ex was dating 25 year olds with names like Tiana after we broke up. Miss Obstinate O is NOT a “Tiana,” tyvm! So, I deleted SMG from my Facebook friends.
It took him until 2 p.m. to notice LOL.
I sent him the following e-mail:
I really enjoyed talking with you, really. But I know myself … and if we weren’t going to meet up until August, that’s plenty of time for me to get emotionally involved and that doesn’t make for the best outcome to a more casual encounter. Plus there’s the point of you still being married, which rules out a casual encounter, at least for me, regardless of whether the marriage is over in your eyes.
You’re someone that I could see myself liking a lot … and because of the factors I mentioned above, I felt like I needed to protect myself and take a step back …
Of course, he was all like, we can forget about that and be friends. Because as we all know, men and women who have expressed an interest in having sex with each can SO be platonic friends. Several e-mails went back and forth, ending with me writing:
Bottom line, I’m divorced. I know how I was during that process and I also know how my ex-husband was. Basically I just wanted to get laid and forget about the trainwreck that was my life. Not saying that’s how you are, that’s just my experience.
I don’t know what you had in mind when we started talking (lo so many days ago lol) but I guess what I am saying is, if you were flying into town tonight, sure, I’d be all for it. But 2 months out? That’s what makes me nervous.
and him replying with:
I didn’t really have anything in mind… but if it makes you feel better, forget about 2 months out and we can just chat and be goofy online.
So eh I don’t know. He sent me a friend request on Facebook as soon as he read my initial email but I haven’t accepted it yet. We’ll see.
Online Update
I haven’t posted in a few days because well, between the Red Wings winning the Stanley Cup, and school, I haven’t had much else to talk about.
- SMG is well, kinda boring me. We had discussed getting together but the first weekend our schedules worked out for was at the beginning of August. Umm yeah. That’s too far away for me. Anyway he was super gung-ho last weekend but I have barely talked to him this week while he was in DC on business.
- Online flirtation #2 is NJ Guy (NJG). He has a filthy mouth but it works for him. Ironically, he lives in the same part of NJ as my ex-husband. Fantastic. NJG just entered the picture a few days ago and I don’t see this going anywhere but it’s fun.
- Candidate #3 is this guy in England. We’ll call him UK Guy #1, because I gotta tell y’all, there are so many hotties in the UK, if Social Me is any representation. His picture on Crackbook is of him looking all tousled, home from the beach. I had fantasies of him being this rich, titled British guy, but no such luck. He’s 37 and a plasterer … and I had to look up what that was. And it’s exactly what it sounds like.
So, yeah. I’m doing my damndest to keep thing at the level of entertainment. With SMG, like I’ve said before, I know where he’s at emotionally … I was there 3+ years ago when I was banging the hell out of BoyToy. I thought I was doing peachy-keen but in reality I just wanted attention, attention, attention so I didn’t have to feel … and I certainly wasn’t capable of giving anything in return. If SMG were to fly into town tonight, would I sleep with him? Oh, probably. But will I wait until August 1 to do so? Nope, because that is more than enough time for Miss Obstinate O to develop an emotional attachment and that is the LAST thing I need, especially with a guy like him!
Best IM of the Weekend
Me: Exhibit A as to why I am fucking fabulous: I’m driving 80, windows down, singing along to Holly Holy by Neil Diamond.
SMG: I want you now. That *is* fucking fabulous.
Me: LOL
Yes, I replied with “LOL” to diminish his “I want you now,” because hello, that’s how it goes. But it still made me laugh with glee.
